Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Living in South Africa

In case you haven't realised by now, I live in South Africa. If you don't know where it is... um... yeah, you should probably go back to school... but it's basically at the southernmost tip of Africa (hence the name).

I thought I'd do a blog specially for all you people out there who either haven't been to South Africa before, and possibly aren't thinking of coming because of some miscommunication. Hopefully this will help you to better understand our way of living, and you can therefore no longer be classified as "ignorant."

Answers to FAQs

1. No, we do not actually speak English.
Our native tongue is not derived from Latin, and is therefore very difficult for European people to understand. However, in the early 1900s, we discovered that lions are very good translators, and in fact are fluent in all languages on the planet, so we bribe them to translate stuff for us.

2. Yes, I do have a pet rhino.
And a pet lion, and a pet giraffe, and a pet leopard, and a pet buck. Sometimes they fight, and we have to call the elephant brigade (sort of like a fire brigade mixed with the police force, except entirely made up of elephants) to break them up before somebody gets hurt.
Here is a picture of my pet lion, Fluffy, who was feeling especially photogenic today, as I recently fed him two of my sister's fingers (it was her turn to feed him today).

3. No, we do not have WiFi.
In order to blog, I have to run to Zimbabwe with my translator-lion to hack into the president's son's friend's grandmother's sister's goldfish's laptop. The trip takes about five days, as I have to run fast so that Fluffy does not get hungry and eat me.

4. Yes, we do wear clothes.
What do you think we are? Barbarians?!

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  1. Let's be honest here: we live in Joburg, not Cape Town... it's not the southernmost tip of Africa. Otherwise I agree with everything else/

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