‘This One Time’ by Alex van Tonder

Date finished: 29 May 2015

Rating: 4/5 stars

View on Goodreads.

Notorious “revenge-porn” blogger Jacob Lynch, better known by his pseudonym Brodie Lomax, is in the midst of throwing the internet world on its head with the renewal of his reality TV show, seven-figure book deal, and of course his revenge-porn blog, when he suddenly vanishes out of range of any wi-fi hotspot. An escape to an isolated hunting lodge in the middle of Alaska seems to be the perfect cure for his writer’s block – until the mysterious Alicia shows up. Of course, things don’t go exactly as planned, and when he wakes up chained to a bed, revenge- and grief-stricken Alicia seems more than happy to give him – quite literally – a dose of his own sick medicine.

Alex van Tonder’s debut novel is exciting, unexpected and undeniably crazy – much like her psychotic bride-to-be-on-the-loose, Alicia. I experienced so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that by the time I finally closed the book I had to sit back for a little while and take about five or six deep, deep breaths. Jacob is simultaneously infuriating – I wanted to kill him for about 95% of the novel, or at least give him a serious lecture on basic human decency and how not to destroy other people’s lives – and frustratingly likeable. I was startled that at some points, I actually didn’t want Alicia to mutilate him, and hoped he’d be able to find his way back home somehow. I think that exposes some really good writing – the way in which van Tonder was able to completely expose a “Professional Douchebag” (to use her own words) of a man, and yet still invoke sympathy for him in her readers is quite phenomenal.

I had a little bit of a problem with the way in which men and women were portrayed, but I suppose that can be put down to the novel being from Jacob's perspective. He is the textbook definition of a misogynist. Still, all the women were portrayed as fame-hungry, Instagram-obsessed, sex-crazed, desperate housewives that only needed a little money to be convinced that their leaked sex-tape was not so bad after all. And the men were just as bad: drug-addicted, noncommittal, self-absorbed morons with nothing better to do than follow the instructions of the "internet-cool kids". 

But then, in total, terrifying contrast, Alicia is totally bonkers. She is one-hundred-percent, lock-away-in-an-asylum-forever crazy, and for a little while I sat there half-smiling at the book thinking, “Nah, come on… she would never really do tha– OH. WAIT. NOPE, SHE DID. OKAY.” I was so wrapped in shock at her inhumanity that when the plot twist finally crashed the party, I pretty much had an aneurism.

Then, because it’s a mysterious new genre of social-media-crime-thriller-fiction, about fifteen more rapid, expertly timed and executed plot twits threw the whole story on its head again, leading up to an ending I can only explain as ‘throw-the-book-at-the-wall’-worthy. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since – but that’s the way you know it was a damn good book, right?

This One Time is witty, dark and somewhat brilliant. Its bold originality and sharp, fast-paced writing makes for an incredible novel, with enough twists and turns to make its readers feel almost as disoriented as Jacob himself. Highly recommended.

[Insert Witty Title Here]

Hello, person that is also undoubtedly also currently procrastinating.

I’m back! 

Momentarily, that is. I had a moment of total shock-and-horror mixed with a bit of shame on Thursday that sparked off two nights of lying awake feeling guilty. (That’s actually a lie – I was up doing a Music composition that I’d left until pretty much the last minute, frantically trying to salvage what little creativity I had left and put it into notes before the due date. It didn’t go well.)

In any case, I was at a Writers Write dinner and meet-and-greet-type-thing with SA author Alex van Tonder, lost in my own thoughts about all the work I’d abandoned at my desk that seemed to be surmounting by the second, when I was introduced to – and I quote – “a huge fan” of mine.

So I’m standing half-dazed and totally confused, expecting it to be some joke in which somebody introduces the greatest pun of all time and walks in with a ceiling fan or something to that extent, when this well-dressed lady walks up to me and says, “Are you Amy? Oh my goodness I love your blog!”

To which I responded, “My wha –“ followed by a garbled and probably largely inaudible, “uhsghedib thabk yoh.”

The conversation continued with this total stranger articulating herself perfectly about how much she liked my writing. Me. The person opening and closing her mouth like a fish, occasionally gurgling a “wow” or “thanks so much”, and generally resembling a zombie of sorts.

Eventually, she left me standing gob smacked (there is no other phrase that accurately describes the feeling – I finally understand) with a grinning, gloating father by my side that was turning to the people around us and loudly announcing my url. That was the point when I had the oh-so-familiar feeling of “oh-crap-I-abandoned-my-baby-for-like-a-month” (blog, baby… same thing), followed by the new and totally overwhelming feeling of “ALL-OF-THESE-PEOPLE-ARE-GOING-TO-SEE-MY-FAILURE. AND-THEY-KNOW-WHAT-I-LOOK-LIKE-NOW. THEY-KNOW-WHERE-TO-FIND-ME”.

So, yeah. That triggered a full-on panic attack of note.

But after sitting in class on Friday, daydreaming (stressing) about totally irrelevant things, as usual, I came to the conclusion that I’m not going to feel guilty about not posting as often any more. And I’m not going to post a seven-thousand word apology for that anymore, either (which this isn’t, just for the record). Neither you nor I have the time for that any more.

I’m in my last year of school, and while it may not be as full of assignments and tests as I expected yet (i.e. I’m only pulling all-nighters once a week or so to catch up on work), it is incredibly emotionally draining to be constantly worrying about school and university and NBTs and ORTs and CAT work and a whole lot of other acronyms that I can’t even remember.

So I’m not going to be blogging as much this year. I might skip out a couple of Nerd Lists in favor of doing things I like significantly less, like studying for Physics and waiting by my mailbox for my Rhodes acceptance letter (seriously guys? You’ve sent an sms and an email that it’s on its way but I can’t stand the anticipation and I want a hard copy for bragging rights). But I’m not going to abandon this blog. It is my passion – the love child of an over-imaginative brain and an undeniable fear of commitment to actually doing something “useful”. And I’m going to try my best to stay in touch with the side of myself that I expose on here, because it’s the side of myself that I’ve grown to love the most. (The side of me that wants to get 90% for Maths is getting extremely annoying with her high-pitched squeaking and jumping up and down in the corner of my brain begging for me to focus on extraneous things like geometry. Who needs geometry anyway?)

I have big things planned. Everything’s starting to fall into place – I can feel it. Soon we’ll be together again (*cue romantic background music*).

To all the new readers – don’t fret. If I don’t post in a month or so, there are around a hundred incredibly embarrassing posts and reviews that you’ll undoubtedly be able to use against me in the future. Screenshot them. Make photocopies. Stick them on your wall to remind you that your life could be worse. (They’ll keep you entertained in the meantime – I promise.)

And all the people that keep coming back – you guys are pretty awesome. You’re also all baffling and I have no idea why you’re still here, but thanks.

(I also listened to a talk by John Boyne today and I’m hoping that I can post something about it tomorrow that isn’t just “John Boyne aksjhdbasmaskad”.)

ARC: 'Soaring Through Stars' by Rajdeep Paulus

Date finished: 20 April 2015

Series: Swimming Through Clouds, no. 3

Rating: 4/5

With its beautiful whirlwind plot and deeply moving prose, Soaring Through Stars is the perfect conclusion to a trilogy that has undoubtedly caused its readers to work their way through many, many tissue boxes.

Jesse and Talia face even more challenges as they prepare for the ultimate confrontation with their father. As if they already haven’t suffered through enough pain, Gerard Vanderbilt seems determined to break his children’s spirits. While the Vanderbilt teens struggle to find their way alone in the world, an unexpected visitor throws everything out of the balance, and they are pushed to the limits of their faith and determination to find justice.

Paulus’s talent in weaving raw emotion into her characters is unprecedented in the YA Fiction genre. Because of this, they have come to life in such a way that I’m forever startled to glimpse up from reading their stories and find that they’re not right beside me. Her characters are so moving, so real, that I know I’ll keep encountering them in my memories for a long time.

Additionally, Paulus has introduced a new way of writing to the world – one that mirrors the distortions of reality through its heartache and sorrow, with an underlying gold thread of hope and genuine love. The world she’s created, although unjust and often disheartening, is woven using beautiful words that fill her readers with an overpowering sense of wonder for life. There is something truly powerful about her writing, and I sincerely hope that she continues to publish many more novels. Otherwise I’ll just have to invest in a lifetime supply of chocolate ice cream and cry my way through this wonderful series all over again.

The Nerd List - March 2015

It’s Easter this week. I hope you’re all in chocolate-eating mode right now.

Before I start:

 

Beware the woes of matric.

(I’ve also started applying to universities and I’m pretty sure the number of existential crises that have occurred this month outweigh those I’ve been through in my entire life combined.)

Books

Books I’ve Read:

Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy (Goodreads)

Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett (Goodreads)

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion (Goodreads | my review)

Book of the month

Tess of the D’Urbervilles broke my heart. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my entire life. Obviously, though, it’s incredible.

Character of the month

I read Equal Rites after my friend read my rant on feminism and decided that I needed some soul food in the form of a short children’s book that’s actually not a children’s book, but an in depth, wildly hilarious commentary on society. Granny was specifically phenomenal, and if I could advocate a fictional speaker for women’s rights, I’d probably choose her.

Quote of the month

“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.”

― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

Moments

Fangirl moment of the month

I may or may not have gone to see One Direction the night before writing my music exam. I also may or may not have screamed louder than the twelve-year-old next to me when they came on. It may or may not have been slightly embarrassing. (Just kidding – I really didn’t care.)

Facepalm moment of the month

See above. If I hadn’t been so busy trying to get my oh-so-cool sister to sing along with me to every single song then I would’ve felt guilty for not being ashamed.

Please note: never will we ever speak of this again.

Music

Album of the month

The sound of my tears hitting the ground because I maxed out my iTunes allowance.

(Also All Time Low’s Future Hearts is being released painfully slowly.)

Song of the month

Runaways by All Time Low.

Something's Gotta Give by All Time Low.

Lyric of the month

“Wisdom’s a gift, but you’d trade it for youth

Age is an honour – it’s still not the truth.”

- Vampire Weekend, Step

'The Rosie Project' by Graeme Simsion

Date finished: 27 March 2015

Series: Don Tillman, no. 1

Rating: 3/5

Goodreads.

I’ve delayed reviewing The Rosie Project a bit because, every time I think about it I have a different overwhelming emotion. Despite my having enjoyed the book, by the end I felt uncomfortable and eager to turn the last few pages to get it over with. A couple of hours after I finished reading through the final pages of Don’s (really anticlimactic) Wife Project questionnaire that was included as a sort of appendix, I had an overwhelming desire to read the next book in the series. But then some little voice in my head jumped out and screamed, “Why? Whywhywhy?!” and I honestly couldn’t give a valid answer.

So I’ve finally come to terms with my feelings. Yes, I really enjoyed reading The Rosie Project. It was humorous and ridiculous and easy to read at most times. But I couldn’t get past a few things that kept jumping out of the pages and sitting in my ears to whine at high pitches until I closed the book and did something to forget about them. And even then they’d find a way into my brain and hop around until I acknowledged them, before they burst into flames and gave me a bit of a headache.

Don Tillman is smart and funny and attractive and he can’t help his feelings for a woman with whom he is totally incompatible, Rosie. And Rosie is artsy and beautiful and impulsive. They’re the perfect match, especially since Don is a geneticist and he’s intent on helping Rosie find her real father through DNA testing that sends them on a journey across the world.

It’s cute. Really, it is. Geneticist who’s totally unaware of the application of Coulomb’s Law in terms of human attraction falls for his polar opposite. But it’s unoriginal, and as much as Simsion tries to write Don’s story in a fresh and humorous way, it’s difficult to shake the underlying feeling that you know exactly what’s going to happen before you’re even twenty pages into the book.

Additionally, Don’s narrative voice sounded distinctly familiar right from the opening sentence, and it didn’t take very long to uncover the character of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory hiding right below the surface. Maybe Sheldon finally succeeded in cloning himself – we’ll never know. Quite simply, Don is a typical nerd who is not a typical nerd. He’s undoubtedly attractive and horribly smart, but it stunned me that even after doing extensive research on autism, he didn’t pick up on the fact that he himself is obviously autistic on some or other level. Honestly, this little detail goes against Don’s entire analytical and critical personality, and once you begin to question it, his character starts falling apart.

I’ve dwelled quite a bit on the negatives (and there’s still so much more I have to say…) but I’ll stop now to say that The Rosie Project is really a nice read. It’s cute, funny and romantic, and I suppose other people will find it easy to overlook the clichés and fall in love with it. Personally, I think it should’ve been a movie instead.