I’m back!
Don’t lie – you missed me. Even if it was just a little.
Yesterday, I returned home from my two-week excursion to
faraway lands (i.e. Europe), utterly exhausted, grumpy and slightly (very)
irritable after about eleven hours on a stuffy airplane. It’s taking me a
while, but I think I’m starting to recover from two solid weeks of social
interaction and exercise (in the form of walking for hours on end) and
education (mainly in the art of learning how to ask where the bathroom is in
four different languages). Three of my favourite things…
I have many – MANY – stories to tell, several involving my
near-death experiences due to my apparently severely dangerous clumsiness.
However, due to my currently very confused and dysfunctional state of mind, I
decided that it would be best for me to slowly sort through the several hundred
photographs I took, and decode the scrawling mess of what appears to be
handwriting in my travel journal, before I write a series of blogs on my
“adventures.” I’ll do four posts, each one focusing on a single country that I
visited (France, Czech Republic, Austria and Italy).
These blogs will hopefully not be delayed further due to the
fact that I am expected to take part in what society has taught me is mandatory
for my success in the future events of my lifetime. Ah, yes, that dreaded time
of the year when children from the ages of five to eighteen are required to
haul themselves out of bed at six a.m. and drag their underdeveloped minds to
concrete buildings, where they will learn useful, lifelong lessons such as how
to avoid getting caught on your phone during classes, and how to sleep with an
“I am totally concentrating on this bunch of meaningless slop” expression on
their faces. Also known as “School.”
Maybe this term the school board will consider my several
e-mails and petitions for a class teaching us how to survive a zombie
apocalypse, rather than how to recite what society trains us to think is
“useful information.”
I’m also still waiting for the moment when somebody can
explain to me why it is “useful” in the real world to be able to recite
Newton’s First, Second and Third Laws word for word from my Physics Textbook.
Person 1: “Quick! The Zombies are attacking! What shall we
do, oh most powerful leader?”
B. Obama: “The only way we can ever survive this is by
reciting Newton’s Third Law of Motion! But who could remember this secret,
highly sensitive code able to blow up the brain of underdeveloped beings set on
devouring our brains?”
Person 2: “I remember it! I remember it!”
B. Obama: “Then save us, oh most mighty citizen who took
Physics to twelfth grade and spent hours studying the laws of Physics in her
room even though she planned on becoming a rock star!
Person 2: “Wait… I got it! If Object A exerts a force on
Object B, then Object B will simultaneously exert a force on Object A. The
forces are equal and opposite in direction.”
*zombies stop attacking the world*
*Person 2 is awarded 1298737 Nobel Peace Prizes*
*unicorns reappear on Earth*
Ahem…
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I am back at school
tomorrow (*sobs uncontrollably into pillow*) so I will most likely only put my
series of adventures into words over the next few weekends. If I don’t suffer
from brain damage before then, that is.
Oh, and Happy Election Day to my fellow South Africans!
Let’s pretend for one whole day that your opinions, hopes and dreams actually
count for one whole day as you cast your vote. (I’m actually very interested to
see how elections turn out this year…)
To my fellow students going back to school tomorrow: be
strong. We can get through this. Only two more days until the weekend.
Love your blog. Write a book. I will read it.
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